Welcome to Greaserland!
by Sk8er Chica
Summary: When Steve's cousin arrives from Kansas, TwoBit has a little fun at her expense. One shot.


DISCLAIMER: I OWN NOTHING!

A/N: This is really short and corny, but it's my first Outsiders fic, so please be kind.

* * *

Ponyboy went into the living room and found his brother Sodapop's best friend Steve Randle sprawled across the sofa. Since Steve made no bones about the fact he didn't like Soda's kid brother, Ponyboy left him where he was and started to set the table. 

"I've had it!" a voice exploded from the living room. "I've had it with him!"

"What'd your old man do this time?" Sodapop asked, yawning as he came out of the bedroom he shared with Pony.

"He invited my cousin from Kansas to come down for a week. Guess whose bedroom she gets to sleep in?"

"Yours?" Ponyboy guessed. He knew there were only two bedrooms in Steve's house and Mr. Randle would never give up his own.

"Hey, I wasn't talkin' to you!" Steve snapped.

"What's her name?" He had Soda's attention now that he knew Steve's cousin was female.

Steve snorted. "I don't know."

"You don't know your own cousin's name?" Ponyboy thought that was downright odd, even by Steve's standards.

"I said I wasn't talkin' to you!" Steve repeated.

The subject of his cousin was obviously a touchy one to Steve, but once Sodapop's interest in a girl was piqued, there was no shutting him up. "How old is she, Steve? Is she pretty?"

"What is this, a game of 20 Questions?" said Steve, really annoyed. "I don't know how old she is and she's about as pretty as a dead cactus."

Darry strolled in from the kitchen, having overheard the loud discussion. He held out a large mug. "I think ol' Steve needs a little coffee."

"Say, Steve," Soda began, "Two-Bit invited us to go play snooker at the pool hall tonight. Think your cousin would like to go with us?"

Steve drained the steaming mug in on gulp. "Don't know and don't care."

Darry peeked through the curtains and noticed an unfamiliar girl standing on the porch. "Hey, Sodapop, why don't you come ask her yourself?"

Steve groaned and cussed under his breath. "How did she know I was here?"

Darry opened the door and let Steve's cousin in. She looked like a female version of Steve, only shorter and slightly cuter. Her hair could have been curled more neatly and her dress could have been longer, but she was Steve's cousin after all.

"You left me." she said coldly. "That's no way to treat a guest."

"First of all, you ain't no guest of mine. Second, you need to can the lecture, Glenda."

There was a pause in the argument as the storm door slammed. Everyone in the living room looked up just in time to see Two-Bit sidle in.

"Mornin', y'all," Two-Bit said cheerfully.

"Such a surprise to see ya here at mealtime," Darry drawled sarcastically.

Two-Bit had just noticed Glenda, so he ignored Darry. He asked, "Who have we got here? Your great-aunt?"

"Glenda is Steve's cousin from Kansas," Darry explained.

"Kansas, huh? And you say her name's Glenda?" said Two-Bit. "Well, then..."

He walked to the middle of the kitchen floor, cleared his throat, and grabbed a wooden spoon from Darry. Two-Bit began to prance around, waving the spoon like a wand and singing in a falsetto voice: "_She fell from the sky. She fell very far. And Kansas, she says, is the name of the star_." In an even higher voice, he screeched, "_Kansas, she says, is the name of the star_."

Sodapop and Ponyboy laughed and clapped; Darry and Steve rolled their eyes.

Two-Bit walked right up to Glenda, got down on his knees, and started to sing out of the corner of his mouth: "_I represent da Hair Oil Guild, da Hair Oil Guild, da Hair Oil Guild. And in da name of da Hair Oil Guild, I wish ta welcome you ta Greaser Land_!" He cackled at his own joke, stood up, then started to skip and sing in falsetto again: "_Follow the Yellow Brick Road, follow the Yellow Brick Road! Follow, follow, follow, follow, follow the Yellow Brick Road!"_

By now, Sodapop was holding onto a chair to keep himself standing he was laughing so hard. Darry, however, wasn't amused. Darry needed the spoon Two-Bit was using as a wand so he could finish cooking breakfast.

"Are you through?" he asked.

"Hold on, I got one more," Two-Bit said, laughing a couple more times. He turned to Glenda, looked her dead in the eye, and asked very seriously, "Are you a good witch or a bad witch?"

That about did Sodapop in. He sank to the kitchen floor, gasping for breath with tears rolling down his face.

"Thank ya, thank ya very much," Two-Bit said in his best Elvis voice.

Darry took the opportunity to snatch the spoon out of Two-Bit's hand and lightly smack his friend in the head with it. Two-Bit glanced at the kitchen clock and suddenly blurted, "Hey, it's time for Mickey! Excuse me, y'all."

He dashed out of the kitchen, turned on the television in the living room, then made himself comfortable on the sofa.

"Darry, help me," Soda called from the floor.

"Cramp up there, little buddy?" Darry asked, helping Soda to his feet.

Soda winced, rubbing his side. "Yeah, thanks to good ol' Two-Bit."

Glenda shook her head and mumbled, "I hate my parents."


End file.
